It’s mid August and nearly 30 women dressed in school uniform have gathered at Rowland Rank hall – it can only be the Bognor Regis WI Summer Social.
After a welcome drink in the courtyard members were seated at school lunch tables in 2 houses – Pankhurst and Denman. Headmistress Dinah took the register with apologies from, among others, Theresa May who had to stay home in case Boris moved in.
Singing Jerusalem was tunefully led by Sue Austin, and packed lunches in an amazing array of crafted lunch boxes were eaten. Much reminiscing took place over lunch and there was nervous anticipation of the English, Maths and Art lessons that were to follow (the ‘Art’ work will be on display at our next meeting).
Games took place outside with hopscotch, skipping and relay races. Throughout the afternoon points were being accumulated for the Houses. Denman showed their prowess for physical activity, and Pankhurst won the academic prize.
The lunch box competition was won by Flo Page with her inventive ‘TV’ lunchbox. Whilst we enjoyed tea and biscuits, prefect Barbara rounded off the afternoon with story time and a rather racy tale…….
An Ode to Fifty Shades of Grey
The missus bought a Paperback
down Shepton, Saturday,
I had a look in her bag;
…T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
Well I just left her to it,
…At ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…
In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down on the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week.
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled up upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said…
I must dominate her!!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d muttered.
She stood there nude, naked like;
Bent forward just a bit ….
I thought oh well, what the hell,
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one!”
Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of Grey.
by John Summers
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Words & Photos: Dinah Barrand